Free Devotionals

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

Anxiety can be quite debilitating. It creeps in when you least expect it. It impacts every single part of our lives and changes relationships- with God, others, and even our relationship with ourself. Anxiety also seems to express itself differently from person to person and that presents challenges as well. Some people shut down. Others have outbursts and lash out. And still others have a full fledged panic reaction in their bodies. It’s something that seemingly we’re in control of but also out of control of. 

This season has been a bit of a challenge for me with anxiety. When I speak with others this seems to be a common thread as well. Various family situations, work dynamics, relational challenges- they all can present a variety of reasons to have heightened anxiety coursing through our bodies. Another interesting dynamic is when someone you’re around is filled with anxiety about something and that anxiety then spills over to you. I’m not sure if this is something everyone experiences, but I recently absorbed someone else’s anxiety and it was so overwhelming. My anxiety was amplified simply by being around someone else. 

While we may be unable to control the things that bring us anxiety, we have access to a solution in God’s Word. One of the most highlighted verses on the Bible app is known as the “anxiety chapter”, Philippians 4:6-7. What that speaks to is that anxiety is far more common a problem than I think any of us realize. It is a problem that mankind has been dealing with since God created man and sin entered the world. Over the years I have been so blessed to have done various bible studies on anxiety. God’s Word provides the solution if we will truly seek it. 

God revealed to me that the only one who can calm my anxious heart is the one who made it. He alone can bring me the peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:6 invites us to not worry. To pray to God and thank Him for all He has done. Give Him our worries. By doing this He will give us His peace. He alone can do this. I can trust Him for this. When I feel anxiety start to creep up, I can turn to Him in prayer. I can thank Him for the things He has done and in doing so acknowledge that God is a good good Father, that loves me and wants to carry my burden. I was never meant to carry this alone. I can trust Him. He is faithful. 

While I’m learning to lean into God’s word for this antidote for anxiety, I truly need to unload my worries with God. Anxiety does not come from the Lord, but peace certainly does. In the absence of anxiety, I can experience God’s peace. But in this area alone, give and take is an important part of the equation. We must give all of our anxiety, worry, and stress over to God.  Once we give Him these things, we are free from the burden and can take on His peace. We aren’t meant to carry both anxiety and peace together. We will fully experience God’s peace when we fully relinquish the control we’re trying to maintain and admit we are not in control, but we are deeply loved by the one who is. 

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.”

Psalm 127:3

Being a parent can be so hard some days. Being a parent of a teenager feels even more challenging than I think I could have imagined. They say that the days are long, but the years are short. You only get 18 summers. Don’t blink. Embrace this struggle because one day, you’re going to miss this. While all of these sentiments might help absorb some of the blows that being a parent brings, the in between doesn’t get easier. 

Steve and I struggled to get pregnant and keep a pregnancy into the second trimester. After suffering two miscarriages and waiting for 2 years, we finally received our blessing. A beautiful baby girl. She weighed in at a solid 7 pounds 15 oz. She looked just like her daddy and immediately had us wrapped around her finger. She was a true blessing from God. 

After the struggles we faced and a fairly miserable pregnancy, we opted to stop with one. Our family was complete. We have done our best to teach her manners, respect, and to give grace because Jesus has given us all so much more grace than we’ll ever deserve. She’s a great kid. We’ve absolutely done our best to make sure she isn’t spoiled, which is ever more a challenge when you only have one child and they aren’t having to compete for attention, toys, and typically don’t survive off of hand me down anything. 

The older she’s gotten the more challenges each day can bring. We’re addressing new issues with junior high, friend dynamics, PMS! I remember being a teenage girl and having regular issues with my parents. Being in trouble far more than I care to admit. I knew these days were coming, but I was hoping that they’d be far fewer than my teen days. We’ve always had a great relationship with her, rationalizing things instead of just “because I said so”, but anytime we have conversations with her about things it’s absolutely exhausting. I know based on her brain development that there are certain aspects of her brain that are not developed enough for her to have compassion, empathy, care and regard for anyone’s emotions or well being outside of herself. And man, is it frustrating! I want to give grace having this knowledge, but it’s feeling impossible to keep my cool when it seems like we’re having a conversation with a spoiled rotten brat. I’ve laughed at a meme that says something to the effect of “Isn’t it fantastic having a teenager in your home?  Now you FINALLY have someone who knows everything!” and while I’ve laughed in the past, it’s now feeling more appropriate to cry, ha ha.

I used to think that the teenage years were something to just dread and really not be enjoyed. This was very much how I perceived my teen years and my parents tolerance of me to be. I spoke to my aunt a few years ago and she shed some light into that while there will be challenges, there is a lot to embrace. This will be the beginning of our adult friendship and there’s a lot of closeness that can be possible. I know I have to regularly shift my perspective in order to see the good, especially when the bad days leave a dark cloud over my head. 

The even bigger challenge is that I know that God, being our creator and perfect Father, sees us and could very much think the same. The fact that He loved us so much that He sent Jesus is beyond words and comprehension. All of humanity since the fall has been essentially snotty teenagers seeking their own desires and personal gain. Not caring for others… not loving them the way Christ loved the church. We all are desperately in need of grace and forgiveness. Second chances. Which God graciously gives over and over again. His example to me shows loving discipline, consistent love and forgiveness, and grace beyond measure are to be extended. Not just once, but seventy times seven. When Jesus spoke this, He knew we’d need to forgive others over and over. And we’d need this forgiveness over and over as well. None of us are perfect and we’re all prone to follow our flesh. I need to extend this grace to my child as well. Jesus loved me at my worst, and while her teenage years might not be her worst, Jesus didn’t discriminate and neither should I. I love because He first loved me. 

I’m thankful for God’s great example of how unconditional love should be at the forefront of parenting. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. But God has given us the ultimate example of Love, Grace, and Forgiveness.  He didn’t give up on us and sees the best even when we’re not our best selves. He uses the Holy Spirit to show us as we learn and grow the best course for our life. To extend love and compassion. To truly care for others. He’s not done with me and He’s definitely not done with Brynley’s life either. I can trust Him with my child and I can trust His word to lead and guide me in making the best parenting decisions. One decision at a time. He will never leave my side. 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:9

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurt? You can’t seem to think of anything else? Spending all of your days planning how to achieve this thing? You have all the details worked out it seems, except the actual execution part? Managing to creep it into every conversation you have as not to forget that this alone is the goal you desire?

Well, I have. 

As you know by now, the COVID-19 pandemic changed everything. I went from normal day to day life to dreaming for something more.  Something I had never put a voice to prior to all of the changes that came along with the pandemic.  The pandemic, while most people categorize as bad, I began to look for a light of hope and embracing the changes it had brought to our world. I looked at these changes as chances  for an opportunity to do something a little different, to view life a little bit different. 

When March 2020 rolled around, in addition to everything shutting down and our normal being ripped away from us, it changed the way a lot of places conducted their businesses.  Many were forced to telework and figure out how to do that while also simultaneously home schooling the kids that had very little to no teacher interaction for the remainder of the school year.  We were beyond blessed that Brynley had an amazing teacher who was organized and knew how to do things effectively and efficiently without much help from us parents.  This truly was a blessing, as teaching is not one of my gifts! Steve was no exception to this working environment change.  In the world of the government, much of their day to day work had never been performed virtually or telework wise unless it was on a short term basis. He had to adapt and adjust overnight with the promise to return to the office one day soon. 

4 years later and he’s still working from home.  For the past 4 years, there have been murmurings of the potential that they may never go back to the office and work in person. With those talks were talks of permanent remote work.  Working from home from anywhere definitely had its appeal since the valley we live in is booming and growing at every turn. Areas that used to be open are now crammed with new subdivisions, townhomes, and even worse- apartments. While I don’t mind any of those options, it just is already a jam packed area without the proper expansion of roads, sewers, etc to accommodate that kind of growth. Here came the big dream.

The prospect of wanting to move to Montana has been in my mind and on my heart since I was young.  Growing up a military brat, I have always felt loss for a place to truly call home- with the exception of Montana.  We’d return there every time we moved and it has always been a place of comfort and refreshment for me. Add in that even their most populated cities are minute compared to the ever growing, ever changing Wasatch valley. Much less people, which to be frank is appealing with all of the crazy coming out of the woodworks after the pandemic kicked off. Big skies. Gorgeous mountains. Lakes. TREES!!- a girl living in the desert could do for more of those. It wasn’t hard to latch on to all of these ideas of change.

It was all consuming. I would look at houses daily. I grew to know exactly how the town laid out and embraced the rhythm of peace and quiet when we’d go visit. It was more than a dream, it had become an obsession.  An Idol. (Insert face palm emoji here).  

I had exhausted so much energy into getting Steve to want this dream as much as I did and somehow I ended up drained.  Something that should be bringing me joy and hope was depleting everything I had. It was time for Steve and I to talk about this because I just wanted him to want it as much as I did.  And that’s when it hit me. He mentioned that in all our years of marriage, moving to Montana had never been something I wanted like this.  He had prayed and certainly wasn’t feeling that God was pulling him towards this big change just yet. As much as I had wanted him to want it, he just wasn’t there. 

And then I realized that God had never told me we would move. It was something I created on my own. I obsessed about this new town, these new people I’d meet and grow to love, the places we’d adventure, all the while never consulting God for His plan for my life. 

Proverbs 16:9 says “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

Here I was planning out the rest of our life, when God had not given clear direction on this.  He had certainly not placed this desire on Steve’s heart.  It was not the time to move.

I had to let go of something that had a firm grip on me, which after a year of dreaming, desiring, and obsessing was not an easy feat.  I very clearly heard God say to me, “When did I tell you you were moving?” And it was a wake up call. I could force with all my might, alienate my husband even more, all for a dream that God had not ordained to happen at this time. OR I could trust that if God desires that for me, He will make it happen. I could let go of the tight hold I had on it and walk freely, with open hands, for whatever God was doing. 

He always knows what’s best for me. His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Sometimes it takes letting go of what we have been gripping tightly to to see His gentle hand guiding us into something even better.  While my demographics haven’t changed and I don’t know if they ever will, I can trust that God will give me peace in the moments that lie ahead as I place my full trust in Him to take me where I’m going. He’s not finished writing my story, I just need to give Him back the pen. 

I said, “Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you.”

Hosea 10:12

Gardening.  What a frustrating and at the same time fruitful endeavor. Something that can infuriate, but also provide a sense of accomplishment. Whether you’re planting flowers or a vegetable garden, you will quickly see the fruits of your labor. Beautiful flowers growing aplenty. Fresh produce, ripe for the eating. It’s a lot of work. There’s bound to be weeds that break through and threaten to tarnish the beauty that is there. It takes constant pruning to make sure the weeds don’t take over. 

It’s a never ending process. You’ll spend hours out there pulling weeds, cutting back over growing plants, keeping the bugs away that threaten to take over and kill your crop. All to do it again a few days later. 

I have a Christmas cactus plant in my office. I have had this plant for maybe 9 or 10 years. Throughout the years, much has changed. I received this plant from my grandmother, who has the greenest thumb of anyone I have ever met! It was thriving when she gifted it to me. Needless to say, I do not have a green thumb. While I have been able to keep it alive, it is definitely not thriving.

When I asked my aunt what I could do to help “bring the life back to it” she mentioned repotting it into a smaller pot. I have heard of repotting a plant, but always to a bigger pot than what it started with to give its roots room to grow. In this case, my Christmas cactus’ roots have developed root rot. I will need to pull the plant out of the pot it has been comfortable in for at least the last 10 years, loosen out the roots, remove any dead parts of the plant, and begin again with it in a new pot. 

This reminded me of times in our lives when we stray off course. We can get heavily involved in things that do not honor or glorify God and the roots that were planted in our early moments of faith, begin to rot. I thought about the parable that Jesus taught from Luke, chapter 8. A farmer scatters his seed on various soils—footpath, where it was stepped on and the birds ate it. The rocks—it began to grow, but the plant wilted and died from lack of moisture. Others fell amongst the thorns—the thorns grew up with it and choked out the plants. And finally fertile soil—this seed grew and produced a crop that was a hundred times as much as had been planted. 

When we suffer root rot, and we need to be pruned and repotted, a smaller pot is needed for making a new beginning. To me this is reminiscent for how when we have stalled in our growth and God does the hard work to clear out our root rot, when we are "repotted", that process will be uncomfortable. We have to be removed from harmful situations and back into the secure arms of the Lord. 

When the woes of the world start to creep in, it can feel like weeds in the midst of your beautiful flower bed. They are bent on creating chaos and turmoil in the beautiful soil that God has nurtured in the quiet moments spent with Him. If left unattended, they will crowd in and overtake the peaceful and lovely places of our hearts. We must be diligent.  

Much the same way a tree grows and needs trimmed to encourage growth in various ways, thus is the same for our hearts. If you trim a tree at the bottom, you are encouraging it to grow taller. Trimming the branches from the top will encourage the tree to grow out and be more rounded.

By having the right kind of soil, allowing the roots to grow, the proper amount of sunlight and water—the crop has the potential to produce far beyond expectations, even in the smaller pot. When it is deprived of the essential nutrients, there is an opportunity for harm and even death. Our faith can feel the same way. Weed out the bad.  Prune away the thorns. Add fertilizer (God’s word) to the soil. Watch it take root. Pull more weeds. Add more plant food to help it thrive. Water. Sunlight. It takes work but also provides nourishment and refreshment in the deep parts of our hearts. God’s word is the only nourishment that can truly meet our needs. 

When we are close to the source of Life—Jesus—we will thrive and grow. When the elements begin to redirect the course, we can rely on God to prune us, trim us back, and show us the path to proper cultivation. So plant your seeds, let your roots grow deep and never rot, continue to fertilize your soil, and watch God grow you in unimaginable ways! 

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Death. It can happen so suddenly. It really pulls at the heart strings when it’s someone you love. There just never seems to be enough time. The last 4 years have had a lot of loss.  I have attended so many celebration of life ceremonies in this time frame and it doesn’t get easier. It really makes you realize your own mortality, which got me thinking…  If I died tonight, what impact would I actually have on this world? How would people remember me? But even more, would anyone remember my faith in the Lord?

I attended a friend’s father’s memorial in the spring of 2021. They offered an opportunity to get up and speak about who Gary was and what he meant to you. So many people spoke of his love for Jesus. His love for his family and grandkids. His work ethic and all of the things he had accomplished in his career. His coworkers spoke of his kindness and love for others. They talked about how he genuinely cared and just desired to do life with everyone he encountered; About the lunches they shared and the long conversations that spoke encouragement and love. 

In September of 2021, my papa passed away. While at his celebration of life in November of the same year, so many people spoke of his service to the community.  He was involved in Search and Rescue, coaching kids sports, supporting the local teams even after his kids had grown up. While in service to these various activities, he made lifelong friendships.  Even the children of his friends had fond memories and shared stories that they will forever hold dear to them. While listening to his friends who he cherished so much speak about him, I realized that there was a lot about my grandpa’s life that I didn’t know about. Living across the country made our time together that much shorter, but I’m thankful for the memories I have and the time we got together. He loved children, especially his grandkids and great-grandkids. If he called you a "Mucky little brat", you knew you were loved by him.  He was my grandma’s soul mate. He gave his life to Christ before he passed away, so while I miss my grandpa dearly, I can find hope in knowing I’ll see him again one day. 

A friend from my small group passed in early 2022 due to complications from Covid. Just before Christmas of 2021, another dear friend lost her father in law to Covid as well. These losses were unexpected to us, but God knew. God used each of these people for His kingdom in one way or another. When I think of Carol or Kelly, I see them at church- Loving God’s people and living to serve and honor Him. 

Another young lady passed away due to cancer. She was a mere 21 years old. She had an amazing impact on the youth she ministered to. After she passed away, we were reminded of her commitment to the Lord despite the unknowns. She recorded a video for her baptism just a year before her passing and at that moment, she had discovered the lump and began to suffer from various health concerns, yet her faith was unwavering. She was turning it all over and giving God 100% of her life, trusting that He had a plan. Her foundation was firm. It’s amazing how far her reach truly was. She spoke at the youth summer camp and shared some of her journaling with the kids, and in turn was able to share her struggle, but also her faith in God through it all. I know for my daughter, this was a memory of her dear leader that she still holds onto.

A year ago this February, I lost a dear friend. God brought her into my life through church and small group. She attended for a while and in the midst of her regular attendance was a battle she fought long and hard. She shared with myself and another close friend of her struggle with depression and her attempts to take her own life. We listened, talked, and prayed for her as she tried to navigate the demons in her mind. When I got the call, I couldn’t believe it. As much as my heart didn’t want to believe it, she was gone. The demons won out this battle and she unfortunately was successful this time. I had just seen her 2 weeks previous and there were no signs that she was in the midst of this final battle. I will miss her smile. The way she would light up when she talked about lighthouses and her dog, Duchess. My friend was not quite 30 years old.

Another young man in our community passed away this past weekend. While I didn’t even know him, my heart aches for the loss of such a young life. He was only 18 years old and just graduated high school 3 months ago. He had so much life ahead of him. A motorcycle accident took this young man’s life. While I didn’t know him personally, to read his obituary helped me to see his personality and the impact he made on those around him in his subdued time here. 

All of this has made me realize how short life truly is. How each moment really does make a difference in the lives of those we love and encounter each day. What will people say about me when I pass? Will my life impact more than my family that surrounds me? What stories of grace and love will people remember? My life is more than my own, so while I want to make an impact, my true impact should be in showing God’s love. Will I love others well enough that they see Jesus in me? 

A song from my run playlist describes it like this:

“ If I die tonight, I gon' know that I

Gave this with my everything

If I die tonight

If I die tonight, you ain't gotta cry

Cause I know that Heaven wins

If I die tonight

Only if I die tonight

Only if I die tonight

If I die tonight.”

Bear with me there- I listen to Christian Rap while I run, lol

One thing that has resonated with me from this song, and from attending these memorials… if I died tonight, would I be satisfied knowing that I gave my everything to God? Would the world I leave behind remember Jesus because of me? Would my life have an impact? While I don’t know what tomorrow holds, I do know who holds tomorrow. So today I’m going to choose to live for Jesus. Give Him everything. Show His love and grace to all I encounter. Share His love with a world that’s hurting. Live my life to honor Him. Seek His will for my life and my family.

It won’t always be easy, but I want to be remembered for someone who loves the Lord and lived from the extravagant love and mercy that was extended through Jesus.